The Bad:
The Hills to Mud Ratio. Was it the weakened economy that precluded Camp Pendleton from making more mud or the rabid environmentalists that don’t let anyone have any fun anymore?
All week long, I read blog after endless blog (like mine) about the race and the inconviences of stinky, oozy, mossy mud that gets in places mud doesn’t remotely belong. About how freakin’ well-conditioned you have to be to squat-walk through small tunnels; run through a tire obstacle; hurdle 5’ walls and run with 10 pounds of mud clinging to your shoes and body with a Marine hurling insults at you; and getting hosed down steep hills by fire hoses. So what, I said. I’m gonna have fun!
But very few of these blogs focused on the endless amount of hills; their proximity to the sun; their grades and how much the course and topo maps LIED!!!! It’s a real hoot when those adorable course marshals tell you that you’re climbing up the course’s last hill, when alas it turns out, the steepest, gnarliest m-fers are still ahead of you and waiting to test your mettle, lungs, quads, glutes and calves.
When I enter a race called the Camp Pendleton Mud Run, I want mud and Marines (the two finest selling points for a female runner)! EVERYWHERE! Don’t let those PETA-like, rabid environmentalists dictate that Camp Pendleton use Super Soakers instead of bona-fide-tear-your-skin-off-fire hoses! Mother Earth and her runners want water and mud – especially while the earth and its inhabitants are microwaving themselves! This event occurs only 3 times a year – the earth will not dehydrate because Camp Pendleton wants to raise money for the people who would give their lives for us! And Mr. Obama, could you please return our Marines in time for 2010 Hard Corps Race Series?
Racing with Your Trainer: Your trainer 10 years your junior bounds up hills ceaselessly energetic like a mountain goat – even late in the race – as your well-conditioned legs and lungs want to call it a day. At mile 1.5.
The Hills to Mud Ratio. Was it the weakened economy that precluded Camp Pendleton from making more mud or the rabid environmentalists that don’t let anyone have any fun anymore?
All week long, I read blog after endless blog (like mine) about the race and the inconviences of stinky, oozy, mossy mud that gets in places mud doesn’t remotely belong. About how freakin’ well-conditioned you have to be to squat-walk through small tunnels; run through a tire obstacle; hurdle 5’ walls and run with 10 pounds of mud clinging to your shoes and body with a Marine hurling insults at you; and getting hosed down steep hills by fire hoses. So what, I said. I’m gonna have fun!
But very few of these blogs focused on the endless amount of hills; their proximity to the sun; their grades and how much the course and topo maps LIED!!!! It’s a real hoot when those adorable course marshals tell you that you’re climbing up the course’s last hill, when alas it turns out, the steepest, gnarliest m-fers are still ahead of you and waiting to test your mettle, lungs, quads, glutes and calves.
When I enter a race called the Camp Pendleton Mud Run, I want mud and Marines (the two finest selling points for a female runner)! EVERYWHERE! Don’t let those PETA-like, rabid environmentalists dictate that Camp Pendleton use Super Soakers instead of bona-fide-tear-your-skin-off-fire hoses! Mother Earth and her runners want water and mud – especially while the earth and its inhabitants are microwaving themselves! This event occurs only 3 times a year – the earth will not dehydrate because Camp Pendleton wants to raise money for the people who would give their lives for us! And Mr. Obama, could you please return our Marines in time for 2010 Hard Corps Race Series?
Racing with Your Trainer: Your trainer 10 years your junior bounds up hills ceaselessly energetic like a mountain goat – even late in the race – as your well-conditioned legs and lungs want to call it a day. At mile 1.5.
Douche-bag Behavior: The USMC informs you that the race starts at 9 a.m. – a very, very civilized race start. What kind of an a-hole are you that you show up nearly an hour late; shove your way through the team runners THAT GOT THERE ON TIME during the National Anthem on a Marine base and DELAY the team start?
And what kind of jerk-off are you that steals an Under Armour cap?!?
Douche-Bag Behavior (mine): Bypassing the HUGE lines of patient, deserving post-race runners waiting for those heavenly, cold showers by exploiting lemming-like tendencies and a minor logistical shower flaw – entering on the unused, opposite side of the showers. I told myself that I was entitled as it was my personal revenge for those stupid, disrespectful m-fers mentioned above.
And what kind of jerk-off are you that steals an Under Armour cap?!?
Douche-Bag Behavior (mine): Bypassing the HUGE lines of patient, deserving post-race runners waiting for those heavenly, cold showers by exploiting lemming-like tendencies and a minor logistical shower flaw – entering on the unused, opposite side of the showers. I told myself that I was entitled as it was my personal revenge for those stupid, disrespectful m-fers mentioned above.
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